who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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