Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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