Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
