I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
