Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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