That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
