Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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