True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
