Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
