No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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