note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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