Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
