awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
