thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
