Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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