I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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