Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
