For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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