i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
