Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
