I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
