I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
