Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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