I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
