we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
