he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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