worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
