Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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