how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He had one of those small greek statue penises
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
