I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
