I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
