I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
