i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
