that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
