he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize