can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
