so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
