do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Are we still banned from the library?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
