we're chasing vodka with high fives
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
