i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
