Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
