I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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