Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize