hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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