the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
