my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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