yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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