I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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