dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
