In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
