i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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