I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
