Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize