Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i think im in europe. pls send help
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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