there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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