Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize