so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
