Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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