so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
