I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
