do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
