I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
