I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
